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Notice that you’re already having an affair even without sex and some sources put emotional affairs on the same level as emotional + sexual (but I disagree with that). The good news? It can be accomplished, and the commitment can be richer than ever. Not because of the affair, but because of the work done to make marriage #2 better than marriage #1 ever was. It is best if the couple can wait and only talk about the affair in the therapist’s office. But some people just can’t wait, so we would suggest that they limit, perhaps even by strictly scheduling, the time that they talk about it. Each would need to agree that they will refrain from using the four horsemen during those conversations. This structure helps prevent emotional explosions or from the affair gaining any more power than it already has, while also honoring the need for healing.
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Many women in very happy relationships have blinders that screen out any potential affair partner. Even when a man makes a pass at her, she may discount it thinking it was just being friendly.These partners can’t manage two relationships at the same time and the affair takes over ( Reconstructing marriages after the trauma of infidelity). When people have strong monogamous tendencies, you will also notice: Jennifer can begin to feel hopeless if not given this information, or that her efforts are not being recognized. Both need to deeply understand and believe that the other is on board for a new commitment, that they both have chosen to remain, and are working on a new relationship dynamic that outshines their previous connection. Often, people who engage in an affair will balk at the idea of sharing with their spouse their struggles with letting go of their lover. The most important point? To move ahead, Sam needs to actively hear and believe that Jennifer is choosing him and their marriage. Realize that the “truth” rarely comes out all at once But soon after the relief comes a whirlwind of less positive emotions, including rage, disbelief and a general feeling that someone pulled the rag under them. #3. Obsession
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Sam should take on the responsibility of giving reassurance to Jennifer that trust is building. He can say things sincerely, such as, “I wanted to text and ask you to take a picture of where you were at 10:00 last night when you were out of town, but I realized I didn’t need to. I’m past that.”
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Bad relationships indeed create a bad image of ourselves. When we contrast that with the way the affair partner makes us feel, it’s like experiencing a rebirth.
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