The Kindness of Strangers

Product Information

I guess we need more Nate's in the world to convince us we have enough to give, Danny's to not hold a grudge and forgive and Sarah's to have patience and well, be the mom. Then he was grateful, thought it was “kind” that the murderers spared them because they liked them so much??? Easy to read, McCullough sounds both realistic and upbeat about our chances of, as Peter Singer puts it, "expanding the moral circle." Indeed, McCullough tells a very progressivist story, with various "eras" moving us from the selfish ape of the title to people who more and more help those totally foreign to them. It is harder to define what the action is about, and she often admits defeat. Of Bosnia, she says: 'It was as if someone had decided to play a lethal board game and failed to produce a set of rules. However, break an invisible rule, and you got blown off the board.' Libya 'wasn't like a country, it was a kind of mad boarding-school where the rules were unknown but the punishments fearful'. I've read many books about group selection and why cooperation developed via altruism within tribes, but this book shed new light on the topics. McCullough also details the interesting history of social work and social services, which I was unaware of prior to reading the book.

Each character had such a strong role and life for that matter. I was impressed with who they were and who they became. I actually had these crazy sensations under my skin when I read parts of the book. It's always so hard to hear or read a child struggling. It just doesn't seem fair. You don't have to have been a victim of incest to understand and experience the terror, shame and confusion that young Jordan is subject to in this eerily accurate account of familial sexual abuse. As the author gives us access to the thoughts and feelings of three main characters and their different reactions to the plot via rotating viewpoints, we get a full circle view of the goings on in this devastating story, and see how so many are affected by its brutality. Some of those stories were better written than others (not all contributors are writers after all) and some were more interesting than others. I found some of the stories/activities of some people noteworthy and I wanted to read on on their experiences and to find more about them , while I didn't like some stories so much. It’s very much a typical American style narrative - with the locals portrayed as quite some weirdos, or bizarre people. No offence to any Americans though. It’s just that I’ve observed Europeans to not be so self-centered and they don’t talk about locals like they’re those weird strangers. A welcome contrast to the last book I read (The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich), the Kindness of Strangers lays out a history of humanity’s gradual cultural movement towards kindness and towards altruism. Without beating you over the head with it, the overall sentiment is that kindness works because it benefits individuals and society and ultimately makes for the things we all want in the world: peace and prosperity. McCullough seems to lay out an argument that modern globalism is an extension of understanding your neighbors, that since we are so much more aware of each other it is incumbent upon all people to show global compassion as an inevitable next step in our “kindness evolution”.Many of the stories take place in the middle east and Africa. The tone of the tales varies a lot. Some are light or funny, some are more philosophical, some are adventure stories, and at least one has a strong true crime plot line. There is quite a bit of suspense as the travelers encounter dangerous or uncertain circumstances on the road. The theme of kindness is mostly constant, although the term is interpreted broadly. My favorite is a beautifully and subtly written chapter by Anthony Sattin, a British citizen who makes a Palestinian pilgrimage. Another favorite takes place in Morocco, and it involves a case of mistaken identity and a rather startling description of the women's communal bath. Sarah Laden has her hands full raising her boys after the death of her husband. Two years later, she struggles to keep all her spinning plates in the air. Her oldest son Nate seems determined to make her life as difficult as possible. Being a teenager he chafes at the rules she sets down. And her younger son Danny, sweet and socially awkward, struggles daily with school and friendships. I read this book about 8 years ago and it's one of those books that has stayed with me ever since. It will probably always be one of my favorite books. Even though it is also one of the most difficult books I have ever read. It's the book that comes to mind whenever someone asks for a recommendation. I had originally meant to write a review but somehow it slipped my mind.

The Kindness of Strangers' explores what it means to be vulnerable and to be helped by someone we've never met before. Someone who could have walked past, but chose not to. Sarah Laden knows grief. She feels it everyday her husband doesn't come home. She feels it deep within her bones. If her husband was still living, perhaps he would never have come into their lives. There may never have been that gaping hole. That cavernous void. This was one of those books from which you have to recover for a few days before moving on to another. Despite the horribly disturbing and distressing topic (sexual abuse of children, child pornography) this story was told so powerfully, so poignantly that I had a really hard time putting it down (and stayed up until 2:30 this morning to finish it *yawn*). Kittle managed to carefully tiptoe the line between describing just enough and describing too much. It was enough to make me squirm uncomfortably and feel disturbed, aching and saddened for the victims, without making me feel like I was behaving immorally or amorally by reading it. This story made me weep. It terrified me. It made me angry. And it even made me hopeful, which surprised me. The characters were beautifully written, with so much detail and insight. Kittle really knew her characters, and I feel like I know them too because her writing was so genuine! I deeply appreciated reading the evolution of the relationship between the mother Sarah and her son Nate. I loved the way Nate was written, all his hesitations in communicating with his mom, his fears and hopes - it made me feel like I was getting a special little peek inside the brain of a smart, maturing teenage boy like my own son. And Sarah was so real. I can't even begin to describe how powerfully written the character Jordan was. To read his journey and evolution was incredibly moving and emotional. The arrogance is again, not only awful, but he doesn’t even seem to recognize that he really almost killed his girlfriend in multiple ways.

The Abandonment of Children in Western Europe from Late Antiquity to the Renaissance

I was appalled reading how poor his choices were, not just in putting them both in such extreme danger, but in obvious risking her life, because he just had to get to one more park. It was shameful.

As McCullough explains, the explanation lies in our evolving ideas and justifications, guided by reason, for why we should consider the needs of others on par with our own, and with those of our closest kith and kin. Humans have learned, through various historical confrontations with mass human suffering, to expand their own circle of empathy by advancing arguments that break down arbitrary distinctions and divisions that prevent us from caring about the needs of others. For anyone who has ever followed the news, you know that the most horrible crimes are often committed by the seemingly most unlikely people. Friends and neighbors are almost always heard to say after the truth is discovered that they "had no idea" and "it can't be true, they're such nice people". It was good to read a book that takes this real-life rule to heart. The 'bad guys' here aren't the creepy or strange people that everyone steers clear of. Rather, they're seemingly normal family people who volunteer at school events, participate in their community, and are seemingly good friends or acquaintances to many people, all of whom have no idea of the truth until the police get involved. This book will haunt you, educate you, and hopefully let you understand the deeper issues a bit better. Yes, there are times that you want to grab one of the characters and slap them out of their denial, until you think about how you would feel in their position. For better or worse, the emotions and reactions in this book are true to real life, as unfortunate as that can sometimes be. Jordan is the quiet, skinny, pale boy who is best friends with the youngest of Sarah's two sons. Sarah is recently widowed and runs a catering business out of her home. She has catered "parties" for Jordan's parents on numerous occasions. She is close friends with Jordan's mother. When police investigate Jordan's reason for attempting to take his own life, the small town where they all live is thrown into a confusing denial. None more so than Sarah. You know that feeling, when something really sad happens, when you can't seem to take a full breath, and your chest hurts? All through this book I fought to breathe. Poor Jordan HAS to rely on the kindness of strangers, because both parents are monsters. Sarah and her boys, Nate and Danny, are dealing with the death of their husband and father, supported by the neighbors, Courtney and Mark. But the neighbors' secrets blow the town, and Sarah's family sky high. Sexual depravity and molestation, with their own son Jordan as the victim. All the unspeakable things happen to Jordan before the book begins, but as Sarah and Nate and the reader discover how horrible the abuse was, we sink deeper and deeper into the abyss.It was obvious from the beginning of the story that the drivers were going to be bad guys. What was disturbing to me was how totally selfish and life-threateningly inconsiderate the narrator was if his critically ill, severely dehydrated girlfriend. Before I go any further, just know that you NEED to read this. It is heartbreaking. It is raw. It is real, with no pieces of truth extracted. Even if you only read to escape life's woes, please consider giving this a chance. This is a story that needs to be told & although it is told over & over, it is unlike Kittle's creation. This doesn't even feel like you're reading a fictitious novel, just a parent's worst nightmare unfolding right before your eyes. if you've read a bit of ev-psych stuff, you'll know the material in the beginning section of this book. Didn't finish this mainly due to time constraints - it was from a library reading group set and needed to be returned. Mary has lectured at many places including Harvard and the Smithsonian. Additionally, she has contributed to such diverse print and on-line publications as The Chiron Review, Redbook, and Salon. She occasionally writes comedy under the pen name "Kate Clemens".

These are stories that make our hearts grow, stories that will restore our faith in the world and remind us that, despite what the media says, the world isn't a scary place – rather, it is filled with Kind Strangers just like us. This ebook does not contain essays by Pico Iyer and Tanya Shaffer, which were part of the print collection.

This book is an entertainingly written historical, evolutionary discussion, that complements many of the most pressing topics in today’s news and society. I see some ways this book is an optimistic view of some of the topics in the book “Sapiens”, where Harari points out the trade-offs we make by giving up individualism for society, McCullough shows the large leaps forward in the way we consider others has been beneficial for both. The characters that are able to share their unique perspective really draws out the complex reactions to abuse experienced in the wider community but without the characters losing their individual identities. Their emotions and motivations come across as genuine. They are ordinary people who have to cope with a tragic set of circumstances while still living their lives. Evolution works its magic over hundreds of thousands and millions of years, so humanity has essentially the same biological makeup as our distant ancestors. The fact that we live nothing like them tells us that we have altered our behavior, not because of a change in our biology, nature, or emotional profile, but through the use of reason and ideas that modulate those tendencies. I wish I read this when it was released, not ten years later. Ten years ago I didn't think I would live to see this day. Ten years ago I was so engrossed in pain I didn't believe in futures. So in a way I am glad I'm reading this a decade later, seeing how far I have come. Despite how painful this book is, it is a reminder that things DO get better. And that is worth all the marbles to me.