The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps

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Next, ask your partner what drew them to you initially. What qualities made them fall for you? What do they cherish in you? Which of those characteristics do you feel proud of? This will help you reconnect with who you are beyond any unhelpful behavioral patterns that have developed. Help get this into the hands of young people, and some inexpensive way for average folks to be personally guided, as books and ADHD often don't mix well. Thank you, also, for your teleseminar, Melissa. It was well done. I may retrain to assist in this field, seeing the huge need. I am so grateful to you for taking the time to write this most important book and then offering this course. For the first time in 20 years my husband is seeing how his ADHD is affecting our marriage and I just feel like crying with relief. He heard you because you so eloquently and compassionately explained what happens for both people in the relationship, it is so clear and precise that there is no denying that these issues exist." If this resonates with you, re-establishing a fulfilling relationship with your partner might seem completely unrealistic – whether or not you’re the one with ADHD. But it can be done with commitment, curiosity, and compassion. The ADHD Effect on Marriage helps couples understand why things never seem to get better, no matter how hard they try - and how to change that, not by "trying harder," but by "trying differently" so they can renew their love and joy.

Ms. Orlov's book provides what many leave out - empathy for both partners. She offers a no-blame, nonjudgmental account of the differences and struggles of each partner, with equal amounts of respect, understanding, and empathy for the experience of both. This is a recipe for success for all partnerships. This technique is particularly useful if you and your partner are faced with an ongoing issue that you can’t seem to resolve. It will offer you both a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives, which you can combine with empathy to determine a mutually beneficial solution. When ADHD is part of a romantic relationship, it’s crucial to remember that the adult with ADHD is the only person who has the right to decide whether or not to seek treatment. As consultants, we focus on what needs to be done. Yes, that often means suggested ‘homework’ between sessions to help explore strategies we think might work for you. Even when dealing with your emotional issues, we are keeping forward motion in mind: What do your feelings mean for defining what actions you and your partner might take? How do we (client and consultant) keep heading towards your most important goals? Melissa provides a nine-week couples seminar live by Zoom three times a year (fall, winter, and spring) and in a self-study version the remainder of the year. Regardless of whether you decide to work with the consulting group, we STRONGLY recommend you take the seminar. Past participants repeatedly say the course ‘is one of the best things they have ever done’ for their relationship.To identify your boundaries, reflect on a time when you felt truly happy because you were living authentically. What mattered most to you then? What typical behaviors or outlooks did you have at that time?

Millions of adults with ADHD struggle to overcome their inattention, procrastination, impulsivity, and distractibility. Yet few realize that after they marry, these same symptoms can severely affect their loved ones, often with disastrous results. Melissa Orlov offers a unique and refreshing approach to helping ADHD couples understand the underlying issues caused by ADHD that can negatively impact their relationship. Her methods are built upon years of experience and offer couples hope and guidance. Most importantly, her strategies prepare them to make smart choices to build happier, healthier futures. This book is long overdue and much needed!"Melissa Orlov is the author of two award-winning books on the impact of ADHD in relationships - The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) and The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD (2014, with Nancie Kohlenberger) and is considered one of the foremost authorities on the topic. A marriage consultant, Melissa helps ADHD-affected couples from around the world rebalance their relationships and learn to thrive. She also teaches mental health professionals about effective marriage therapy for couples impacted by ADHD. Orlov blogs for Psychology Today and at www.adhdmarriage.com, where she also hosts a large community of adults learning about ADHD in relationships. She has been interviewed by the New York Times, CNN, Today, US News and World Report, CB Melissa Orlov is the author of two award-winning books on the impact of ADHD in relationships - The ADHD Effect on Marriage (2010) and The Couple's Guide to Thriving with ADHD (2014, with Nancie Kohlenberger) and is considered one of the foremost authorities on the topic. A marriage consultant, Melissa helps ADHD-affected couples from around the world rebalance their relationships and learn to thrive. She also teaches mental health professionals about effective marriage therapy for couples impacted by ADHD. Orlov blogs for Psychology Today and at www.adhdmarriage.com, where she also hosts a large community of adults learning about ADHD in relationships. She has been interviewed by the New York Times, CNN, Today, US News and World Report, CBS, AOL, the American Psychological Association Monitor and many others. Ms. Orlov is a cum laude graduate of Harvard College.) Another star off because if I was a normie I wouldn't touch a person with adhd with a ten foot pole after reading this. People with ADHD often feel different, ashamed, unlovable, and afraid of failure. Every day, they must navigate through the world with a constantly buzzing mind that prevents them from distinguishing what’s important to focus on and what isn’t a priority. Being relentlessly barraged by so much information is overwhelming, and can easily lead to panic.

Melissa describes a lot of the destructive patterns I have wrestled with myself over the years as either my partners or myself has been noticing and suffering under in an ADHD relationship - especially the parent/child dynamic and the ensuing anger/resentment that follows it and many more of the core dynamics which is active in an untreated relation between a couple where one or both suffer from this diagnosis.If a person with ADHD decides to pursue treatment, it sends a message to their partner that they want to explore methods that will help them manage certain ADHD behavioral traits. But successful treatment isn’t as simple as popping a pill. Both partners need to recognize that finding the right treatment plan will be an experiment and a journey – one that requires time, active participation, and reflection. The first half of the book felt super repetitive: wives, you shouldn't nag your husbands and make sure you exercise and get treatment for your likely depression (and don't try to compensate for your husband or treat him like a child); husbands, make sure you exercise and take your meds and get therapy. Create a plan to reach long-term goals for your relationship that aligns with who you are as individuals To capitalize on this and inject some fun into your relationship, do something silly together, like going to an amusement park, or having a silly string fight. Spontaneity is a gift that ADHD brings, one that often draws people to those with ADHD in the first place. Make space for that spontaneity in your relationship by factoring in time together that isn’t overly planned. We work with both couples and individuals (with ADHD, or partnered with someone with ADHD), providing the consulting services appropriate to each situation. In some cases, you may choose to work with both a consulting coach and a couples’ consultant to get comprehensive support.

Keep in mind that boundaries aren’t a wish list, they’re values to guide your own behavior. It may take you time to hit on what’s really essential, so test out different scenarios until you find what lets you be your best self. ADHD spouse here, I finally feel like I have a plan to salvage the little bit I have left in my marriage! This is the first book I have read on ADHD and relationships, so I will be cautious on how I proceed.Personal boundaries help you find the line between moderating who you are to support a relationship, and compromising yourself to the point that you behave in unhealthy ways. To find that line, you need to know which boundaries are most important to you and which ones have enough flexibility, so that you can bend without breaking. Misconceptions abound regarding ADHD, especially ADHD in adults. For those who discredit the legitimacy of an ADHD diagnosis or deny that ADHD affects every aspect of a person's life, this book will offer both a scientific and personal perspective on what ADHD is and how it disrupts marriages -- often without detection. The Surprising Ways ADHD Symptoms Affect Your Marriage - 12 patterns you must know (p. 30. Audio 3a&b. Kindle loc. 619)