Let's Talk: How to Have Better Conversations

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So what do you see is the role of performance management in an organisation and what is the role of a senior leader or manager in the process. I am interested,” she said, “in conversations in which people gain new insights about each other, themselves or the world — the kind of conversations college students often have when they are living in the dorms and staying up much later than they should. I loved these conversations, and still remember some of them and the insights I gained. After college, I noticed that the people around me rarely had those kinds of conversations, and I missed that.”

What Deeyah Khan said was ultimately I want one less racist in the world and I’m not going to get that by shouting ‘You’re a racist’ at them but I might get that if I sit down and talk to them and let them understand I am not who they think I am, and I try to understand they are not who I think they are.Great. Well, thanks, Craig. It’s been a pleasure to chat with you today. And hopefully we both learned something.

Conversation is broken. And while we know that effective communication can lead to greater fulfilment in our personal and professional lives, evidence suggests we are having fewer meaningful conversations than previous generations. The pandemic has exacerbated the trend towards fewer face-to-face interactions, while the growth of social media has led to heated arguments online. We are losing the ability to talk to each other. Yes or no questions don't lead the conversation very far. For example, rather than asking, "Are you sitting down?" You might try, "What kind of chair do you like to sit in?" Stay out of the weeds My first experience really was forged in the military, I had a very great military career. And I had a commission in the Scots Guard. And I guess they taught me the basics of leadership and some fairly arduous and difficult environments.

I have had conversations with people in which they have literally talked about how smart I am after it's over, and all I did was craft questions, that's it. But it seems counterintuitive, but frankly, the more you worry and the more you focus on the impression that you're making and coming off as smart and coming off as self-assured, the less...let me put it this way, think about the definition of cool. When you were in high school the people that were cool are really the people who don't care. Those are not the people you want to date when you're 25, but in high school that's what's cool. So, think about it that way. Try to be cool in that, not that you don't care, but that you're not worried about how you're coming off. What you're worried about is making that other person shine, giving them a chance to shine. And so, the way to prevent people from thinking they have to agree with you is by stepping out and saying, "Look, I'm counting on you guys to help me understand this. We all are counting on each other, and if I say the wrong thing, I want you to tell me because I want to get better. And we at this company are invested in growth mindset. We have no interest in being fixed in any way, shape, or form. And that means we're going to need to correct each other and rely on each other, and when you know something and I said the wrong thing, tell me."