Ask Me His Name: Learning to live and laugh again after the loss of my baby

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A Bump in The Road tells the story of months and years slipping by, of the immense physical and emotional toll taking place, when still those two positive lines were just out of reach. As a 22 year old, avid reader it is safe to say I received a couple of question about why i would want to purchase a book that talks about the death of a baby and a mothers journey through navigating a motherhood she never expected however, something drew me to Elle. It’s a gorgeous tribute to Teddy, but I also know how important it’s going to be to those going through a similar experience. This is a very good book for both those who have lost a baby and for those who care about someone who has.

So I just say it to people, and sometimes I get them looking anywhere else but at me, and sometimes people are brilliant. Yes, I cried reading this book – it’s impossible not to feel emotional when following a mother’s account of losing her child, but it’s also layered with Elle’s trademark humour. I think it’s so important when you’re talking about maternity, when you’re talking about motherhood, that everybody’s narrative gets an opportunity to be heard: I come across a lot of women who have lost children, or had recurring miscarriages or stillbirths, and haven’t been able to go on and have any more children, but still consider themselves a mother. Her Feathering The Empty Nest blog is a way of finding light in darkness, positivity in times of desperation and, hopefully, making a few people laugh along the way.

I agree with Elle that it is something that you simply do not get over, a loss stays with you, shapes the person you are and never leaves you. I went from recognising your pain to feeling disgusted with myself because my only option in life IS fertility treatment, I never even got a chance at TTC naturally. Not just people who have necessarily been affected by the loss of a child themselves, or a friend, or a family member, or a work colleague; but people who very well might be at some stage. So maybe I go at it from a selfish perspective now, and think ‘Why should I have to swallow my words and my opinions so you don’t feel awkward?

As I spoke to Elle that day I decided to invite her onto the podcast to talk about her version of motherhood with her friend Michelle Cottle, whose daughter Orla was born sleeping in 2016. A Bump In The Road reflects the reality of the journey to parenthood for thousands of people having difficulty conceiving in the U. I therefore don’t think you have to have necessarily experienced baby loss to find this book helpful and insightful. I read as a friend and also a nurse to peer into this world to better understand a situation not my own, to be more insightful and equipped to care for a loved friend in this painful landscape.

This book was sometimes difficult to read and I often found myself bursting into tears of sympathy but it has taught me so much. In the UK, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss, but conversations about the heartbreakingly frequent experience are few and far between. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Cookie preferences, as described in the Cookie notice. You made it sound like it was the end of the world for you, and if that's the case, what does that mean for me? There were some very relatable parts but although the author repeatedly refers to everyone grieving differently, much of the content is also quite sneering/judgmental of those who do grieve differently to her, despite her having to go through much of what she judges in others to get to the place where she can be what she views as unendingly positive (I’d query this).

You’re not going to spring back to your happy old self, you’re never going to be that person, obviously, your entire view of how you’d planned things to go in your life, it hasn’t happened that way. I have followed Elle for a while on Instagram and love her blog and her day to day post about general things. From there we hear about Elle’s pregnancy, Teddy’s birth, the complications that quickly became apparent, wandering into the unknown and being faced with a reality that every parent fears. So she’d followed me on Instagram, she’d read my other posts, and [she asked me] would I ever consider writing a book? You know how therapeutic it is to have a really good clear out at home, and that whole ‘tidy desk, tidy mind’ thing of deciding to have a really good clear up, or whatever?Elle is an inspirational woman and reading as someone who lost a child I could identify with everything she said.