Listen: A powerful new book about life, death, relationships, mental health and how to talk about what matters – from the Sunday Times bestselling author ... to Find the Words for Tender Conversations

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Her book comes out at a very important time as so many have had to face ideas of mortality with the pandemic, when there are many more unwell people right now and when increasingly people are struggling with their mental health. The book is told mostly through a series of case studies that range from conversations with relatives, patients, friends and strangers too. From the bestselling author of With the End in Mind, this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better – more honestly, more confidently and without regret. This book is, in a way, a guide for everyday difficult conversations, but it has a very clinical approach. Mannix is a doctor, after all, and most of this book focuses on how to deal with illness and death, helping our family and friends when they're afraid as well as dealing with our own feelings. Although now some months after the publication date it is a timeless book about the power of stories and active listening. Over the past few months I have had to support colleagues, provide unwelcome news and generally muddle through life - Listen has helped me through all this. I recognise that my active listening needs work, but I am improving, my coversations are tender, I try to lead conversations in a way that suprise is minimised and I now have internalised that I can't fix someones situation, however I can be by their side. Our ability to remain alongside as they experience their emotional storm does not lessen their distress, but it prevents the additional pain of feeling abandoned in a place of suffering.”

I waited quite a few months to follow up on my lecturer's recommendation as I'm not the best at reading anything that isn't an article I can reference in an assignment during term time, but I wish I had read it sooner and spent some time during the summer to reflect on it. Powerful, humane and wise’ JULIA SAMUEL ‘Everyone should read it’ NIGELLA LAWSON ‘Beautiful ... This is a book for everyone. You feel held by it’ PHILIPPA PERRY Most of us have a conversation we’re avoiding. This is a beautiful book … Too often people want their friends and relations to take all the difficult talk to a therapist, there has to be more than the professional listeners who know how to have a mutually impactful beautiful, tender conversation. This is a book for everyone … I actually feel listened to by reading it’Philippa Perry -

3. Be curious, open-minded and humble

This book is far more of a "how to do it" book than the previous one. It was about the author's personal experiences dealing with the dying and the bereaved. This one is far wider ranging and covers a variety of topics and situations. There is more about the way to deal with issues - techniques, tips, ideas and the like. It is more of a handbook than a reading book in some senses. Stories from real life either the author's own, or those which have been passed on to her by other professionals, pepper this and many are extremely powerful. These are used as illustrations of "how to" (or how not to) deal with very challenging situations. The book’s greatest strength is not just the information it shares, but the pure humanity it shows; the halting, fearful, imperfect conversations between people who are all doing their best and sometimes not getting it right. The gems of wisdom apply to all situations, whether someone is at the end of their life or has had a bad day at work … Compassionate, warm and wise’The Times - This gentle-hearted, engaging and intimately readable book is so full of wisdom and compassion. Everyone should read it’Nigella Lawson -

I finished this book at the start of the week and have taken a few days to start really digesting it. I am sure, even though it is only March, this is going to be one of the stand out books of the year for me. Like her first book, Listen offers the reader insight and comfort and a useful tool in each individual’s attempt to be supportive when confronted with difficult conversations and situations. I heartily recommend it. Silence is often where we do our thinking. We can support someone without interrupting their flow of thoughts by saying simple phrases that show we are maintaining attention: “Take your time”; “I’m not in a hurry”; “This needs some thought”. This is especially helpful when you can’t see each other – for example, during a phone call. When you reach a good stopping point, say something like: “There’s lots to talk about. Shall we leave it there and chat again tomorrow/next week?” Listen to understandIt's estimated that we spend 60% of our time in conversation listening (though we all know people where it feels closer to 99%) and research has shown that we only recall 25% of what's said. There is just so much good advice here, so well presented and explained, it would be of great value for anyone to read it – but especially for doctors, nurses, teachers, politicians and clergy. Highly recommended. What I loved about the examples shown and Mannix illustrations is the importance of letting the speaker explore their own options and keep their own autonomy. Sometimes asking questions is far more beneficial than offering solutions (which in likelihood the other person has already thought of). What’s the secret of communicating well? It turns out that it’s not so much what we say as how we behave, and the most important thing of all is the way we listen – really listen – to the other person. One area mentioned was one I had not come across before. This was the use of fairly formalised and trained peer to peer and teacher "listening". While this wasn't a difficult read it did leave me with a real hope for the future of listening rather more generally.