Daddy's Milk

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During this time, my mom was out of town for some psychiatric conference. She was always out of town, so I was used to this.

Whether your dad actually went out for milk or not, these jokes will have you laughing until you cry (or until your own milk runs dry).Here are some of our favorite dad jokes about milk that are also awesome milk jokes for adults and kids to be told! Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder. The world’s most explicit erotica writer Layla Marie proudly presents "Give Daddy Milk" – Incredibly hot erotica short stories!

The milk was playing hide and seek, but I found it hiding in the fridge, it couldn’t handle the suspense. One astronaut says to another. I can’t find any milk for my coffee. The other astronaut replies “In space no one can. Here, use cream”. I couldn't remember if I'd slept with M.'s father in the weeks before he'd left for good. If I had, I didn't remember the details. He was shut down and hungover; I was absorbed with my baby. I lived in the world of womanhood for years, and now I was a mother. But who says that you can't live in both worlds? Some mothers I knew wore bras to bed because they didn't want to leak on the mattress -- or their husbands. That's how they divided their realms. But I wanted to be a woman who lived in both worlds; I wanted to be the kind of woman who didn't care if she spurted. My friend said she didn’t understand my milk puns. I told her it’s all white, it’s a bit inside joke. Summer break is always fun. I sit on the couch in the living room, breastfeeding Daddy’s eldest daughter. Well, his eldest daughter other than me. ‘Hey, slow down there… don’t drink too much.’Same, baby girl. I can’t wait, either. I wonder if it’ll be a boy… or if I’ll have four daughters, now?’ OH GOD DADDY!" I moan loudly and then the knot in my stomach goes away and I feel an amazing rush of pleasure. Daddy lifts his head and removes his fingers. What do you get when two people boil tea leaves in milk together and put it into the freezer? Solid-dairy-tea. Honestly, he’s almost as fascinated with the whole process as I am. I love growing a new life in my belly, feeling myself grow and change. I particularly appreciate what it’s done for my breasts. They’re so much bigger, now. I wonder how they’ll be after I pop out a few more kids for Daddy? I’ll be a big breeding cow, just for him. I hope it won’t get too difficult for us to have wild, babymaking sex once our kids get older.

Advisory: This story contains adult themes 18+. It is intended for mature readers who love their erotica to be hot, steamy and rough! All characters are over eighteen, and no characters are related by blood. Afterwards, we cuddle on the couch. I sit on his lap, my body heavy. Daddy touches my tummy, rubbing my round, pregnant stomach. He also plays with my tits a bit, and strokes my hair, occasionally telling me how cute I am.

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At nineteen I didn’t realize that life could be so demanding. I have so many men that are after me. There’s just one problem. They don’t know what I’m going through, they don’t know the pain that runs through my body. My stepfather Kyle looks at me strangely as I walk through the house as if I’m on pins and needles. I don’t care too much for him, but I guess going to someone I know is better than going to no one at all with my big problem. My problem is too much milk!" Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top. A man walks into a library and asks for a pint of milk. The librarian says “this is a library”. The man whispers “sorry, a pint of milk please”. Our baby falls asleep, and I take her to her room. Then, Daddy and I play with each other on the couch. I mean, I know it’s a bit beyond ‘playing’, but I like to think of things this way. Really, we shouldn’t ever be doing any of this sort of stuff together, especially the making babies part… I know that. But nobody will ever know. I’m going to give birth during summer break, so plenty of my friends didn’t even realise I was pregnant a third time.

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof. Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!

It's always after the fact when I realize I should be wearing a soft muzzle. The lawyer's enthusiasm was a sure giveaway that I'd said too much. I didn't know if I should crawl under the table or give him a high-five. Was I flattered or freaked out? Or a little of both? What’s a chocolate milk’s favorite type of music? Smooth Jazz, it loves all the smooth and creamy notes.